Reading (Some of) Shawn's 5-Star Books: Annie Ernaux, Happening

Book #1: Happening, Annie Ernaux

(Cover image from goodreads: Happening by Annie Ernaux | Goodreads)

Unfortunately, although perhaps unsurprisingly, this memoir was not a 5-star read for me. That being said, I can understand why many people would rate this text 5 stars.

Let me quickly provide some information about the text.

Annie Ernaux’s memoir Happening was originally written in French and published in 2000. It was translated into English by Tanya Leslie in 2001.

It is a very short—less than 100 pages—account of Ernaux’s pregnancy and abortion. Written in a journal-style, Ernaux communicates her experiences. When she becomes pregnant, she’s only 23 years old.

Now, on to the plot and my feelings!

Ernaux recounts her sexual encounter with a young man. She makes the decision not to tell the young man that she’s pregnant and that she plans to have an abortion. I admit that I feel a bit conflicted about the decision not to communicate the decision to abort with the male partner—not always—but in some situations. Anyway, abortion is a difficult and controversial topic, which is why I was curious about Ernaux’s work.

I don’t want to say I’m fascinated with the topic of abortion, but it is an issue that I’m okay to speak about because it’s complex and still considered a taboo. Also, as someone who has been told by doctors and surgeons not to get pregnant and have children (due to a childhood illness, carrying a child and giving birth would be too risky for me), I’ve always known that if I conceive, I don’t really have a choice about what to do. It does help that I don’t want children and am childless. But I digress.

What I found compelling about Ernaux’s experiences was that she had no desire to be pregnant and didn’t feel any maternal conviction or prescribe to the nonsense about pregnancy that women are supposed to. My favourite line is, “On the doorstep [the gynaecologist] beamed at me, ‘love children are the most beautiful of all.’ What a terrible statement. I walked back to my halls of residence. In my journal I wrote: ‘I am pregnant. What a nightmare’” (p16). I appreciate that Ernaux was open and honest enough to recount her feelings in the moments she felt them. Sure, maybe Ernaux’s sentiments changed. I assume they did because she has two children with her ex-husband, Phillip Ernaux (divorced in 1980). But to write something that would have been so against the grain at the time gave me a sense of relief, because she was emboldened enough to write it.

This book is also quite forward for its time. When Ernaux became pregnant in 1963, abortion was illegal in France, and it’s interesting that Ernaux actually includes some of the legal jargon about abortion in her journal: “The following persons shall be liable to both a fine and term of imprisonment: […] 4) those guilty of instigating abortion and spreading propaganda advocating contraception. […] – Nouveau Larousse Universel, 1948 edition” (p21).

I don't like a lot of Canada's laws (especially those related to Indigenous groups and since a certain PM recently invoked the Emergencies Act), so I found this quote in Ernaux’s memoir to be one of the most compelling: “As was often the case, you couldn’t tell whether abortion was banned because it was wrong or wrong because it was banned. People judged according to the law, they didn’t judge the law” (p31).

When the law dictates how to control people's bodies, I think that people need to question why this control is allowed. As I was reading this text, I had to acknowledge that I've had a pregnancy scare or two and felt the not knowing and subsequent waiting weighing me down. This not knowing didn’t cause me pain, but I felt compassion for Ernaux when she described her inability to move forward, as an academic and writer, in any tangible way: “In a strange way, my inability to write my thesis was far more alarming than my need to abort. It was the unmistakable sign of my silent downfall. (My journal read: ‘I can’t write. I can’t work. Is there any way out of this mess?’) I had stopped being ‘an intellectual’ […] It causes indescribable pain” (p33).

As she recounts her pain, I noted that this isn't the only time I felt for Ernaux. But interestingly there are other moments when I thought that she wasn’t taking the situation seriously, but then I remembered that she was 23 years old. What did I know at 23? And what would I have done? Because there are times that Ernaux’s journal captures exactly what I think a 23-year-old person would do and say: avoidance, flippancy, fear, distraction, etc…

I can understand why this wasn’t a 5-star read for me: it’s a memoir (these are almost never 5 stars), and it’s actually, if you can believe that I’m saying this, too short. I wish that it wasn’t written as a journal but instead that the narrative flowed a bit more seamlessly instead of being written in short, choppy paragraphs. Lastly, Ernaux’s writing, at least in this text, isn’t lyrical or prosaic. It’s very matter-of-fact. There’s nothing wrong with this style, and in fact, it suits the subject matter. But it’s not something that I tend to enjoy reading.

Although Happening wasn’t a 5-star read for me, I admired Ernaux's openness, honesty, and willingness to share a difficult situation in her life with the world. I’m thankful that she was able to put out into the world feelings that are similar to my own and appreciated that this was not overly sentimental. I think that sharing this as a nonfiction text is important, especially when we consider how contentious this subject is.

Finally, this short work packs a punch. So, if you’re not a fan of short fiction, vignettes, or short paragraph writing, memoirs, the subject matter (abortion), and some descriptive detail about the abortion itself, then this may not be for you.

While Annie Ernaux’s memoir Happening wasn’t a 5-star read for me, it’s impactful and—as I mentioned on Shelly Swearingen’s channel—left a big impression on me! You can see our chat about impressionable books here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MM3yy-1uRiQ&t=1s.